Things You Say On The Course But NOT To Your Wife

7 Funniest Things You Can Say on the Course and Can’t Say to your Wife in Bed
7 Funniest Things You Can Say on the Course and Can’t Say to your Wife in Bed

Golf is one of those things you can be bad at but still thoroughly enjoy… kind of like sex. 
And it seems like every other phrase on the golf course ends with someone saying, “That’s what she said.” 
In a sport all about holes, balls, shafts, and grips, it only makes sense though. Add in some mid-day drinking and a hot cart girl, there are endless possibilities of what golfers will come up with.

But some things that you say on the golf course should stay there and not bring home with you. While I’m not a relationship counselor, I would advise you to keep these golf sayings on the course and not use them in the bedroom. 

Here are seven of the funniest things you can say on the golf course but can’t say to your wife in bed… 

1. “You’re just not holding it right. You need to adjust your grip.” 

The grip is a big part of playing your best golf. 
Too strong and you hit nasty snipe draws or hooks that leave you in the trees. Too weak and you hit the weak banana slice that everyone hates. 

But I would leave grip feedback for your new golfing buddies, not “helpful” advice for your other half. 

2. “We’re just a twosome, want to join us?” 

Joining up with a few people on the course speeds up play and is fun to meet new friends. But I wouldn’t suggest this question with your wife, unless she’s into that sort of thing. 

Otherwise, you might have a stiff back the next time you golf from sleeping alone on the couch. But as Michael Jordan said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” 

3. “I’m scared of getting wet, but I’m going for the hole anyway.” 

Ego has clouded the judgment of many golfers over the past few hundred years. But sometimes you have to try to hit the shot anyway. 


4. “Tore it up on the front, but really blew it on the back.” 

Is there anything worse than starting off strong only to finish poorly (in golf or sex)? I’d argue no… remember, steady wins the race and doesn’t end with any shame or regret. 

5. “Do you want it in or out?”

Leave the pin in on the golf course for guys who think they’re Bryson DeChambeau on the putting green.

6. “Which hole do we start on?”

I would leave this one on the golf course when you’re playing in a tournament with a shotgun start. 

7. “I’m not ready yet, I have to find a ball washer first.” 

You know I had to include at least one ball washing joke in the mix. Because let’s get real, it’s nearly impossible to perform your best when your balls aren’t clean, am I right? 

What are some other sayings that you can say on the course but not to your wife in bed? 
Let me know in the comments! 
Written by Michael Leonard